The next ten minutes of my life came in spurts. People, people all around but there was only one face that I knew. Stress riddled the once soft face of the man, the only man that really loved me. It was bleak, and scared, and worried. BEEP, BEEP, BEEP, that annoying sound went on and on. My body burned with anger and with pain. Flashes of the night’s events and the blood that hypothetically stained my hands were a constant reminder of my lost soul.
“Tay, where’s Tay?”
I asked as I pulled at the cords that seemed to be coming out of my body.
“Tangie, were going to need for you to calm down. Tay’von is fine, don’t worry about him. We have to get you and your baby stable.”
I looked into the face of the white young guy who worked on me as if he saw pregnant women with bullets burned into their flesh every day and realized where I was.
“FUCK, FUCK, FUCK ME. That bitch shot me didn’t she? Oh my god, what about my baby, oh god my baby.”
I touched my stomach and prayed that I didn’t fuck up the mistake that I once wished didn’t happen. I remembered cursing myself for fucking so many men with no protection. I remember the pure anger I had for the extra person I was now carrying around with me. Why did this happen to me I asked myself? He or she was only going to slow me down, I didn’t want this, it wasn’t part of the plan. I said trying to convince myself. But now, now I wanted my baby more than ever. I wanted to make Tay’von happy, I wanted to make him a father.
“Just tell me Carl, is he dead, did she kill him?”
Carl had been sitting beside the whole time, silently saying his own prayers.
“Who is “she”?”
“That fucking bitch Shamika, did she kill him? I swear Carl, I didn’t want it to go down this way. I had no fucking way of knowing this would happen, AHHHHH.”
I screamed out in pain. It was becoming unbearable. There was so much blood, blood seemed to surround me, it was too much to just be all mine, Carl was bleeding too.
“Shamika didn’t shoot you Tangie, the cops,,,,,,,,,,they shot you,,,,,,,,,, me,,,,,,,,,,, and Tay.”
“Sir, Sir, are you saying that you’re shot too. Oh my god, okay, I’m going to cut off your pants, just lean back for me?”
It was now a mad house inside of the ambulance. While the cute white guy worked on me, his partner checked Carl’s bullet wounds. As my eye lids grew heavy, there was so much I wanted to know. There was so much that I wanted to say. There were so many apologies I wanted to give, but I couldn’t. I was too tired, I was too weak, and it was too late.
“Wait, he’s bleeding from somewhere else too, look for another puncture wound.”
My eyes closed and opened over and over again. The more time that passed the longer they stayed closed.
“Here, I found one. He’s hit in the chest. Alert the hospital that we have two in critical condition.”
Carl let out a loud groan as they applied pressure to his chest wound. Before my eyes closed for good, I saw a gut wrenching scene. His body stiffened then started to shake. I couldn’t tell what was happening but I did know that it wasn’t good. I gathered all of the strength in my body and reached for his hand. And as our fingers met, I regretted everything bad I had ever done to him. His love for me was pure and without malice. He wanted nothing from me but love and respect and I had been too selfish to give him that.
Beep, beep, beep, beeeeeeeeeeeeeeep.
“Could someone please shut that fucking thing off?”
I didn’t know how long it had been or when I got to the hospital but that beeping had to go. I looked around the privet sterile room and still felt like I had no answers. Where was everyone? I was alone, scared, and cold. The chill of the room kept my temperature low but the cold I felt was from within. What happened at the house, with Shamika, with Tony, and with Tay felt like a reoccurring dream. It played in my mind like a DVD that skipped. Scenes jumped in and out rendering me confused.